Armor and Harmony dinner with Father
FATHER: Armor! Harmony! I have been missing you two boys come over here and give your ol’ pops a hug why dont ya HHAHAHA!
HARMONY: Hello father
ARMOR: Dad, its great to see you again
FATHER: How are you boys, Harmony, you doin ok?
ARMOR: you dont need to worry dad, Harmony is fine, im taking care of him
HARMONY: ….
FATHER: HEH Well i see things havent changed so much, so boys whats the game plan?
ARMOR: Well we got a fancy dinner later tonight dad, i hope you brought some nice clothes because we got a reservation at the Sauvignon Le Fromage
FATHER: Hooowee! Boy oh boy…. Er well one problem though, i only bought a few pairs of clothes, Armor, you got anything i can wear?
ARMOR: erm well yeah, yeah sure of course of course. Lets get to the house, we cant be late it took me six months to get this reservation HA!
FATHER: Always gotta be the best for you huh Armor?
They arrive at Armor’s house. Harmony is dressed in a shirt and bowtie, Armor is in a fancy suit.
ARMOR: Father, my other fancy suits are in dry cleaning, you can wear this though, but mind you it is extremely expensive. Please be careful with it, i got it handmade in italy its on of a kind
FATHER: You know damn well i wont let anything happen to this fancy suit. Believe you me
ARMOR: Ive only wore it one and a half times
FATHER: What u mean one and a half, boy?
ARMOR: Well, i tried it on when i got it, and then i wore it to a dinner party once before
FATHER: Excellent so its got some mileage on it, thats perfect
HARMONY: Yes, hopefully you dont ruin Armor’s expensive suit. Lets go isnt our reservation in an hour?
ARMOR: Shit youre right, its almost rush hour, we gotta jet, team!
They reach the restaurant in time and get their seats, they are waiting for their order
FATHER: What the hell is escargot?
ARMOR: snail
FATHER: HAH, you still havent lost your sense of humor have you?
ARMOR: well it really is snail
=father smacks armor’s arm=
FATHER: HAHAHAHA you crazy kid, i love you boys
HARMONY: Armor if you dont mind, i’ll just have water
ARMOR: NONSENSE! You order whatever you want, brother, we’re a family here, haha
HARMONY: Really though, All of these meals cost more than my whole outfit
ARMOR: Dont you even worry about that, it’s all my treat
FATHER: Alright well im gonna get some of this escargot stuff and also some pasta… hmm…. WAITER WAITER!!!!
=WAITER comes over=
WAITER: um.. yes sir?
FATHER: Whats the best pasta on this menu???
WAITER: Ah, youre in luck sir, the Chef’s special today is a favorite of renowned critics worldwide
FATHER: Well then it’s settled. I’ll have a bottle of your 1944 Thibedeau Red Wine, The Chef’s Special shit you were talking about and some of that escargot stuff
WAITER: … er uh.. sure just um.. and for you?
ARMOR: uh… i’ll have the chef’s special too, please..
HARMONY: and just a glass of water for me
WAITER: alright gentlemen, it will be coming right up
FATHER: BOYS you sit tight im gonna go to the big boys room to freshen up hehehe
ARMOR: Sure.
HARMONY: We’ll be here
ARMOR: Jesus christ, did you hear what he just ordered???!?
HARMONY: yes, he ordered some wine, some snails some —
ARMOR: YEAH, what the fuck?! that shit is gonna cost like 500$ for his order alone
HARMONY: you shouldnt have made it out like you were willing to pay for ANY meal earlier when you were talking to me then
ARMOR: Oh so now it’s my fault? I’m the one treating you guys out here..
HARMONY: I’m only saying, perhaps father assumed you wouldn’t mind.
ARMOR: Well shit, i mean he could have at least had the decency to ask before ordering a 300$ bottle of wine, that shit is like hall of fame wine, Harmony
HARMONY: maybe it will be worth it
ARMOR: shut the fuck up!
FATHER: HEHEHE You boys are still heere i thought you guys would leave your old man behind to pay for the bill HA!
ARMOR: oh erm heh hey dad, u empty your tanks? Ready for the best meal of your life??
FATHER: you better believe it ! HOOWEEE!!
HARMONY: I hope you enjoy your meal father
FATHER: What did you get, boy?
HARMONY: nothing just a glass of water
FATHER: Well what in the hell are you getting a glass of water for boy? When are you gonna eat in a damn fine restaurant like this again??? Boy you really are out of your mind HAHAHA
HARMONY: …
ARMOR: Heh i think He’s trying to prove a point father hahaha, you tihnk i cant afford it or something harmony? hahaha, no but really, you really should have at least gotten an appetizer, brother.
HARMONY: i really didn’t feel like i should. I’m sorry Armor but you’ve already given me so much
ARMOR: Bullshit! when the waiter comes back, were getting you the duck dish
FATHER: That’s the most expensive plate!
ARMOR: and?
HARMONY: No, i can’t accept that, however kind a gesture it is. You don’t need to prove your kindness to me Armor.
ARMOR: whoa whoa, im not trying to prove anything, i am a kind man and im just doing what i do
FATHER: yeah harmony, dont be puttin assumptions in the air of a fancy restaurant like this you aint trailer trash anymore son, you got your own house!
ARMOR: That i bought!!
FATHER: HAHAHA, alright well i’ll be back you boys sit tight, i gotta use the can again
ARMOR: Geez dad what did you drink on the airplane a swimming pool?
FATHER: HEH! nah, truth is they got that server in the bathroom and he gives you a glass of wine after you take a piss
ARMOR: wow, really?
FATHER: IM JUST JOSHIN YOU HAHAHA. alright i better go before i piss all over your expensive spanish slacks
ARMOR: HEY! Theyre italian get it right ! AHAHAH!
HARMONY: Armor, you really dont have to buy me this duck dish, it’s 80 dollars
ARMOR: Dont you dare make me look bad in front of dad like that again!
HARMONY: So you are just trying to impress him?
ARMOR: NO SHIT, just take the duck and shut up, im trying to be nice here
HARMONY: but you just said
FATHER: Man i could LIVE In that bathroom
ARMOR: Man that was fast dad!
FATHER: I’ve been around the block! HARMONY you havent said shit all night, how are you doin boy?
HARMONY: …. well-
FATHER: OH STILL CRAZY HUH? makes sense
ARMOR: Dad, please, Harmony is sensitive about that
FATHER: Relax, im only joking! you boys need to loosen up this is our night!
20 minutes later the food arrives
FATHER: Jesus christ you weren’t joking tihs shit really is snail. well might as well see what it tastes like
=Father eats snail and immediately spits it out onto ARMOR’s suit=
FATHER: FUCK BLEGH THIS TASTES LIKE SEWAGE
ARMOR: DAD, my suit!!
FATHER: AW Shit, my fault son! I’ll get that dont worry
ARMOR: No WAIT!
=Father smears the snail gunk and it smears all over making the stain lighter but also larger=
FATHER: see, its fine, you cant even see it
HARMONY: Father, the stain got bigger
FATHER: I dont know what youre talking about, now drink your water loon meister! youre seeing things again!
ARMOR: Father, please just…. be more careful next time. The towels are there for a reason now put one on please…
FATHER: oh shit i thought those were complementary to take home… WAITER! Another galss of wine please.. matter of fact, i’ll take that whole bottle
=father chugs the bottle and wine dribbles off his chin onto the lapel of the suit=
ARMOR: DAD! PLEASE!
HARMONY: Armor thank you for this duck it is delicious
ARMOR: HARMONY quit being a smartass
FATHER: whoa whoa is that how you treat your brother?
ARMOR: Father i am sorry about this outburst, but harmony has had this sour attitude all night
HARMONY: I dont know what youre talking about
ARMOR: Shut your mouth, you DO. I Will kick your ass next time another smartass comment slips through those nutcase lips of yours
HARMONY: Well i’m sorry you dont appreciate the fact that I appreciate you ordering me this very expensive duck dish. Here father have a taste
=armor grabs Harmony by the collar=
ARMOR: Cut that shit out right now or im gonna shove the rest of this duck up your asshole
FATHER: Armor, thats enough, here have some wine
ARMOR: No way you got food chunks floating around inside, no thanks
FATHER: suit yourself. You boys calm down youre making us look bad
=Armor sits down=
HARMONY: I’m sorry Father, I’m sorry Armor
=Harmony gets up and leaves the table and then walks home=
ARMOR: jesus christ Harmony godammit
FATHER: hey look he didnt finish his duck you want it?
